Ronan Lynch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
irrumator) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
cribellate2016-01-23 04:36 pm
irrumator) wrote in cribellate2016-01-23 04:36 pm
(no subject)
Character: Ronan Lynch
Canon: The Raven Cycle
Canon: The Raven Cycle
[ Adam's off visiting colleges and because he told everyone that he could do it alone, he's now sitting in a shitty motel watching a spider crawl the wall and feeling terrible.
He misses Ronan, he misses feeling part of something whole.
Guilt curdles in his belly as he picks up his phone. He hadn't wanted Adam to go alone. And Adam knows he shouldn't text him now because it's admitting defeat. ]
did you remember to water the plant?
[ There. His tiny tree in his room at St. Agnes is a good enough reason. ]
He misses Ronan, he misses feeling part of something whole.
Guilt curdles in his belly as he picks up his phone. He hadn't wanted Adam to go alone. And Adam knows he shouldn't text him now because it's admitting defeat. ]
did you remember to water the plant?
[ There. His tiny tree in his room at St. Agnes is a good enough reason. ]
[Adam is off visiting colleges and Ronan is dealing with the idea that Adam is going to be going away next year and he doesn't want to leave home, and he's dealing with Adam being gone, and he's furious enough that he went and lit things on fire and wished, for an instant, that Kavinsky was still alive, to race him and make the pounding of his heart settle away from rage and into something more keen and sharp.
But he didn't so arson was the next best thing.
Now he's lying in Adam's bed and feeling pathetic and he almost ignores Adam's texts, half out of irritation and rage and half out of principle.
But he can't. Adam agreed to let Ronan buy him a shitty phone as a consolation for not letting Ronan go with him to Yale.
So he picks up his phone, stares at the message, and burns a little.]
But he didn't so arson was the next best thing.
Now he's lying in Adam's bed and feeling pathetic and he almost ignores Adam's texts, half out of irritation and rage and half out of principle.
But he can't. Adam agreed to let Ronan buy him a shitty phone as a consolation for not letting Ronan go with him to Yale.
So he picks up his phone, stares at the message, and burns a little.]
[ It had been one hell of a summer.
But it was over, now. Ronan had managed, somehow, to graduate, and Gansey promised him that they would see each other often, that after all, Rhode Island wasn't so far from Massachusetts and they'd be back at Monmouth every break, and besides, Adam was with Ronan, so they couldn't just abandon each other.
Adam had gone first. It had been a brutal month, because Adam had gone for a pre-college college orientation and was living in a dorm during that time period. Meanwhile, Ronan was arranging things back home; he had to set things up, leave things in a way that the Barns would keep running even after he was gone. So he had gotten them an apartment, a one bedroom that he sat with Gansey and considered just buying outright (it's money in the bank, right? And then they would be on their own) and finally did, because Gansey told him to, but didn't tell Adam.
So Ronan showed up in Providence on a clear day in August and while Adam was in class, before he even saw him, he went and got the apartment ready - a bed he dreamed and moss to grow in the corners of the room, verdant and ripe and smelling of home. Dream pillows, impossibly soft.
And a couch and an entire apartment that was them, that wasn't anyone else.
And then he went and stood at the edge of the campus, near the library, where he knows that Adam will be after class, and looks absurdly unhappy. He just wants Adam back. They talk every night but it's not the same. ]
But it was over, now. Ronan had managed, somehow, to graduate, and Gansey promised him that they would see each other often, that after all, Rhode Island wasn't so far from Massachusetts and they'd be back at Monmouth every break, and besides, Adam was with Ronan, so they couldn't just abandon each other.
Adam had gone first. It had been a brutal month, because Adam had gone for a pre-college college orientation and was living in a dorm during that time period. Meanwhile, Ronan was arranging things back home; he had to set things up, leave things in a way that the Barns would keep running even after he was gone. So he had gotten them an apartment, a one bedroom that he sat with Gansey and considered just buying outright (it's money in the bank, right? And then they would be on their own) and finally did, because Gansey told him to, but didn't tell Adam.
So Ronan showed up in Providence on a clear day in August and while Adam was in class, before he even saw him, he went and got the apartment ready - a bed he dreamed and moss to grow in the corners of the room, verdant and ripe and smelling of home. Dream pillows, impossibly soft.
And a couch and an entire apartment that was them, that wasn't anyone else.
And then he went and stood at the edge of the campus, near the library, where he knows that Adam will be after class, and looks absurdly unhappy. He just wants Adam back. They talk every night but it's not the same. ]
[ Ronan thought he knew where home was.
Home was between those trees, home was in that house in the middle of a field next to a sea of oddly shaped barns. Home was bounded by physical landmarks, spoiled with fruit trees and cows and acres and acres of wildness that a boy could get lost in. All of that was home, once.
Now he's not so sure.
He's tired and he wants to go home, he thinks; covered in charcoal from his art project. He's tired and he's in the house and he thinks that he should suggest going home when Adam gets back from class, for a weekend, so he can feel right.
And then Adam comes in, looking weary and exhausted and that feeling just goes away. ]
Hey.
[ He uncurls from the couch. He's barefoot, his jeans smeared in black and his shirt tight against his torso, and Adam looks like he just went through a war, so his reach is a little unsure. Sometimes Adam needs a minute.]
Home was between those trees, home was in that house in the middle of a field next to a sea of oddly shaped barns. Home was bounded by physical landmarks, spoiled with fruit trees and cows and acres and acres of wildness that a boy could get lost in. All of that was home, once.
Now he's not so sure.
He's tired and he wants to go home, he thinks; covered in charcoal from his art project. He's tired and he's in the house and he thinks that he should suggest going home when Adam gets back from class, for a weekend, so he can feel right.
And then Adam comes in, looking weary and exhausted and that feeling just goes away. ]
Hey.
[ He uncurls from the couch. He's barefoot, his jeans smeared in black and his shirt tight against his torso, and Adam looks like he just went through a war, so his reach is a little unsure. Sometimes Adam needs a minute.]
[ Life isn't sunshine and flowers all the time. They both know that, they've lived the opposite of that. But lately they could be forgiven for believing in it. College is hard, but they've faced harder, and being able to come home at the end of the day to someone who's been there and loves regardless is nice. So maybe the ugly times are not exactly forgotten, but glossed over.
Except they will always have mean parts and it was only a matter of time before that was back on display.
It's Adam's fault. It's one of those rare nights where he doesn't have a fuckton of homework to do, where he's not working a shift at the campus bookstore, and instead of falling into bed the minute he gets home he listens when Ronan says something about a party. And maybe it's because he so rarely gets to go to those kind of things with his boyfriend that he says yes. And it's fine, it's nice, Adam has fun with Ronan's arty friends. But he still feels different from them. They get separated at once point and by the time Adam has extracted himself from a well meaning goth girl wanting to paint his cheekbones he just wanted the company of his other half. Adam wanders the house for him, the sugar of his coke making his bones jittery and too much new interaction leaving him heart sick. It's still not hard to find Ronan, that's not the problem.
The problem is the boy smiling at Ronan like he hung the moon.
The dangerous smile, the tattoos, the sharp bones. They remind Adam so suddenly and so clearly of another boy, and he feels a dull pain sink into his stomach as he crosses the room. And he's a dick, he knows he is, when he tells Ronan he wants to go, gaze distant and haughty, barely looking at either of them. He doesn't even pretend to fake an illness and Ronan is good, so good, because he just says goodbye and drives them home in silence. And maybe Adam is always going to be part monster, because he can feel it clawing under his skin as he gets undressed and ready for bed, catching his frown and hollow-eyed stare in the mirror over their dresser.
He's a bastard, and it's not fair. ]
Except they will always have mean parts and it was only a matter of time before that was back on display.
It's Adam's fault. It's one of those rare nights where he doesn't have a fuckton of homework to do, where he's not working a shift at the campus bookstore, and instead of falling into bed the minute he gets home he listens when Ronan says something about a party. And maybe it's because he so rarely gets to go to those kind of things with his boyfriend that he says yes. And it's fine, it's nice, Adam has fun with Ronan's arty friends. But he still feels different from them. They get separated at once point and by the time Adam has extracted himself from a well meaning goth girl wanting to paint his cheekbones he just wanted the company of his other half. Adam wanders the house for him, the sugar of his coke making his bones jittery and too much new interaction leaving him heart sick. It's still not hard to find Ronan, that's not the problem.
The problem is the boy smiling at Ronan like he hung the moon.
The dangerous smile, the tattoos, the sharp bones. They remind Adam so suddenly and so clearly of another boy, and he feels a dull pain sink into his stomach as he crosses the room. And he's a dick, he knows he is, when he tells Ronan he wants to go, gaze distant and haughty, barely looking at either of them. He doesn't even pretend to fake an illness and Ronan is good, so good, because he just says goodbye and drives them home in silence. And maybe Adam is always going to be part monster, because he can feel it clawing under his skin as he gets undressed and ready for bed, catching his frown and hollow-eyed stare in the mirror over their dresser.
He's a bastard, and it's not fair. ]
[It's been different and strange to actually start attending events with the purpose of interacting. At first it was to get people to get off his fucking case, to stop accusing him of being a tortured artist when he wasn't. But then they weren't bad. He gets along with some of the people he goes to school with in a way he doesn't with the kids who were at Aglionby. None of these kids remind him of Declan. Sure there are pretentious assholes, but Ronan is still Ronan. He still gives off that aura of don't fuck with me.
Dillinger is the kind of artist who thinks that art is pure and shit, and it drives Ronan crazy, but he's fun to fight with, enough so that when Dillinger is talking about destruction as art and going on about how not all of us are classically trained assholes Ronan can bare his war-smile and snap back about respect the fucking classics, man, also, what the fuck is the point if you burn the shit down-
-when Adam came by, haughty and fine-boned and looking more like Raven boy than Ronan thought possible. Dillinger didn't even look at Adam, though.
Maybe that's why Ronan didn't argue when they left, but then Adam got huffy and quiet and weird.]
Hey.
[He scowls, then.]
What the fuck is the problem?
Dillinger is the kind of artist who thinks that art is pure and shit, and it drives Ronan crazy, but he's fun to fight with, enough so that when Dillinger is talking about destruction as art and going on about how not all of us are classically trained assholes Ronan can bare his war-smile and snap back about respect the fucking classics, man, also, what the fuck is the point if you burn the shit down-
-when Adam came by, haughty and fine-boned and looking more like Raven boy than Ronan thought possible. Dillinger didn't even look at Adam, though.
Maybe that's why Ronan didn't argue when they left, but then Adam got huffy and quiet and weird.]
Hey.
[He scowls, then.]
What the fuck is the problem?
[Ronan notices a lot of things.
He knows that Adam doesn't sleep as well if Ronan isn't around; he knows that Adam would never say it but it's true. He knows that Adam doesn't want to admit, either, just how much their relationship means. He knows it because even though he says I love you, there's a part of Adam that's ready to accept that Ronan might bolt one day. It's what he was counting on when he abandoned Adam for that time when he thought that the two of them breaking up was inevitable. He knows that Adam protects himself with barbs and that Ronan's gotten through the worst of it, because those things match, they are a pair in that regard.
Ronan notices all of those things and he contents himself with it, understands it, works with it.
But it doesn't mean that Ronan is perfect, either.
But this is the other thing that Ronan knows.
He knows that some nights, Adam wakes up shaking and shivering. He knows that there are scars that he shouldn't touch or kiss or even look at for long. And he knows, too, that once in a while, as if driven by some horrible guilt, Adam Parrish goes back to where he came from to give his mom the few dollars he can spare.
And he always comes back from those shaken and shaking.
The first time Ronan took off, not wanting to see the aftermath, because it had been loaded with a fight. The second time he hadn't been there until late, and then he saw what it did to Adam, the black hole it left in him. There's a deep pit in Parrish, and it should be labeled family.
It's easily recognizable - Ronan has one of those too.
This time when Adam comes back, Ronan is there with Chainsaw. She's rearranging Adam's box of nuts and bolts that he keeps up in the apartment and spreading her wings so Ronan can't see. Ronan is sitting on the chair and listening to shitty music.
And waiting.]
He knows that Adam doesn't sleep as well if Ronan isn't around; he knows that Adam would never say it but it's true. He knows that Adam doesn't want to admit, either, just how much their relationship means. He knows it because even though he says I love you, there's a part of Adam that's ready to accept that Ronan might bolt one day. It's what he was counting on when he abandoned Adam for that time when he thought that the two of them breaking up was inevitable. He knows that Adam protects himself with barbs and that Ronan's gotten through the worst of it, because those things match, they are a pair in that regard.
Ronan notices all of those things and he contents himself with it, understands it, works with it.
But it doesn't mean that Ronan is perfect, either.
But this is the other thing that Ronan knows.
He knows that some nights, Adam wakes up shaking and shivering. He knows that there are scars that he shouldn't touch or kiss or even look at for long. And he knows, too, that once in a while, as if driven by some horrible guilt, Adam Parrish goes back to where he came from to give his mom the few dollars he can spare.
And he always comes back from those shaken and shaking.
The first time Ronan took off, not wanting to see the aftermath, because it had been loaded with a fight. The second time he hadn't been there until late, and then he saw what it did to Adam, the black hole it left in him. There's a deep pit in Parrish, and it should be labeled family.
It's easily recognizable - Ronan has one of those too.
This time when Adam comes back, Ronan is there with Chainsaw. She's rearranging Adam's box of nuts and bolts that he keeps up in the apartment and spreading her wings so Ronan can't see. Ronan is sitting on the chair and listening to shitty music.
And waiting.]
[To say this was a shitty fucking day would be an understatement.
Ronan goes, every Wednesday, to get Adam from his last class. Usually Ronan gets there after Adam's done, because Adam actually gets out the same time Ronan does and when there's accounting for travel time, Adam's usually been waiting about twenty minutes, and it was no different. Adam was talking to someone - a circle of tightly clustered undergraduates arguing about something that Ronan couldn't make out, and Adam in the middle of it, with that calm, infuriating way of arguing that made him look like nothing was touching him.
And the other guy, looking more and more furious as the argument went on, as it turned into a fight. But the time Ronan got ten feet away, he had motioned forward.
It wasn't a hit.
It was a push, both hands, and the guy kept moving into Adam's space like the next thing was going to be a hit, and Ronan could see Adam's eyes get wide and his shoulders start to roll inwards, and that was it.
He didn't even hesitate.
The campus police broke up the fight (Ronan remembers a lot of yelling, a lot of gasping, and he remembers, too, someone tugging him back, but it wasn't Adam so it didn't matter) and they called the real cops, and that left Ronan in a jail cell overnight because there was no Declan to get him, and of course Gansey wasn't even in New Haven, he was in fucking DC visiting, so he had to drive all night to get up to bail Ronan out, since Adam didn't have access to Ronan's bank account.
Meanwhile, Ronan was sitting all night, thinking. He knows that Adam doesn't sleep well when he's not around. He knows that it would be worse with the fight. He knows he fucked up but he doesn't care, in some ways. No one gets to touch Adam without his permission, no one gets to lay hands on him in a violent way ever. He doesn't care if he gets kicked out of school. He cares that Adam doesn't get hurt.
Gansey comes in the morning and bails him out and asks what happened, and Ronan doesn't explain. He lets Gansey buy breakfast. He worries about going home. He wonders if he should just stay away, but then he's at the door, and he can hear the tok-tok-tok of Chainsaw knocking on the other side. Adam must not have left for his first class yet.
He stands there for a minute and he opens the door.
(He wonders if Adam handled the other guy. Pressing charges, he thinks. Adam's good at that. Cleaning Ronan's messes. He wonders when Adam is going to get sick of that.)]
Ronan goes, every Wednesday, to get Adam from his last class. Usually Ronan gets there after Adam's done, because Adam actually gets out the same time Ronan does and when there's accounting for travel time, Adam's usually been waiting about twenty minutes, and it was no different. Adam was talking to someone - a circle of tightly clustered undergraduates arguing about something that Ronan couldn't make out, and Adam in the middle of it, with that calm, infuriating way of arguing that made him look like nothing was touching him.
And the other guy, looking more and more furious as the argument went on, as it turned into a fight. But the time Ronan got ten feet away, he had motioned forward.
It wasn't a hit.
It was a push, both hands, and the guy kept moving into Adam's space like the next thing was going to be a hit, and Ronan could see Adam's eyes get wide and his shoulders start to roll inwards, and that was it.
He didn't even hesitate.
The campus police broke up the fight (Ronan remembers a lot of yelling, a lot of gasping, and he remembers, too, someone tugging him back, but it wasn't Adam so it didn't matter) and they called the real cops, and that left Ronan in a jail cell overnight because there was no Declan to get him, and of course Gansey wasn't even in New Haven, he was in fucking DC visiting, so he had to drive all night to get up to bail Ronan out, since Adam didn't have access to Ronan's bank account.
Meanwhile, Ronan was sitting all night, thinking. He knows that Adam doesn't sleep well when he's not around. He knows that it would be worse with the fight. He knows he fucked up but he doesn't care, in some ways. No one gets to touch Adam without his permission, no one gets to lay hands on him in a violent way ever. He doesn't care if he gets kicked out of school. He cares that Adam doesn't get hurt.
Gansey comes in the morning and bails him out and asks what happened, and Ronan doesn't explain. He lets Gansey buy breakfast. He worries about going home. He wonders if he should just stay away, but then he's at the door, and he can hear the tok-tok-tok of Chainsaw knocking on the other side. Adam must not have left for his first class yet.
He stands there for a minute and he opens the door.
(He wonders if Adam handled the other guy. Pressing charges, he thinks. Adam's good at that. Cleaning Ronan's messes. He wonders when Adam is going to get sick of that.)]
[ Adam had thought, once, that he'd made a deal with the devil to never be hit again. That by standing up for his friend, that by walking straight into Cabeswater, he had been offering up something desperately important just to promise he would never be hit again. So when the argument outside of class got heated, he hadn't expected it. They were civilized, education, they didn't throw punches.
Ronan had been there.
He'd thrown the punch that Adam couldn't, he'd been dragged off and dragged away and there was just a spiraling list of more things Adam couldn't do. Go with him, because he wasn't family. Bail him out, because he wasn't rich. So he'd had to make do. And when Ronan comes home it's clear he's been up all night, all the blankets from their bed pilled onto the couch around him and the laptop light in front of him highlighting the sharp, tired lines of his face. He's already looking up, because Chainsaw was reacting, and when he gets a look at Ronan he doesn't let anything truly show on his face. He's always been good at bringing the walls down. ]
You look like shit.
Ronan had been there.
He'd thrown the punch that Adam couldn't, he'd been dragged off and dragged away and there was just a spiraling list of more things Adam couldn't do. Go with him, because he wasn't family. Bail him out, because he wasn't rich. So he'd had to make do. And when Ronan comes home it's clear he's been up all night, all the blankets from their bed pilled onto the couch around him and the laptop light in front of him highlighting the sharp, tired lines of his face. He's already looking up, because Chainsaw was reacting, and when he gets a look at Ronan he doesn't let anything truly show on his face. He's always been good at bringing the walls down. ]
You look like shit.
[ Because Ronan lives a life that's still half-buried in insomniac fits, and because he doesn't have a single class that starts before the hour of noon, he's almost always still in bed when Adam is getting up and getting ready. He's gotten used to the sounds of it by now, the careful waking of Adam as he gets up and turns on the coffeemaker (a gift from Gansey) and eats a piece of toast and gets dressed.
Sometimes he wakes then.
He hasn't brought anything back from a dream in a while, and he hasn't brought back something accidentally in a long time. So when he hears Adam getting dressed, he reaches a hand out to press it against the uncovered skin of Adam's back. ]
Hey.
[ He's quiet for a moment, and then he looks over.
In his other hand is a tattoo pen, the needle ready to go, the ink black as night.
He vaguely remembers the dream. For the Magician, Cabeswater had told him. He wonders for a moment. ]
Sometimes he wakes then.
He hasn't brought anything back from a dream in a while, and he hasn't brought back something accidentally in a long time. So when he hears Adam getting dressed, he reaches a hand out to press it against the uncovered skin of Adam's back. ]
Hey.
[ He's quiet for a moment, and then he looks over.
In his other hand is a tattoo pen, the needle ready to go, the ink black as night.
He vaguely remembers the dream. For the Magician, Cabeswater had told him. He wonders for a moment. ]
[ Despite the fact that out of the four of them, Ronan has the easiest common room (and bed) to get to, it's not like he and Adam can just be free with each other's affections anytime they want. They don't have a lot of privacy.
They do, however, have potions together, and Ronan is making as large a mess as usual, even though by all accounts he shouldn't be taking this class. He always passes by some miracle, but some innate intelligence that has little to do with hard work. And today is no different; he's made a mess, and got into a fight with the professor over Chainsaw, and then he hexed one of the Slytherin boys before he unceremoniously left the classroom with a rude gesture and a growl.
When Adam finds him, sent after his errant classmate (because of course Adam was volunteered) he's sitting in front of the Room of Requirement,
He wants some privacy.
He wants a room like a cathedral.
He looks at Adam and there's war in his smile. ]
They do, however, have potions together, and Ronan is making as large a mess as usual, even though by all accounts he shouldn't be taking this class. He always passes by some miracle, but some innate intelligence that has little to do with hard work. And today is no different; he's made a mess, and got into a fight with the professor over Chainsaw, and then he hexed one of the Slytherin boys before he unceremoniously left the classroom with a rude gesture and a growl.
When Adam finds him, sent after his errant classmate (because of course Adam was volunteered) he's sitting in front of the Room of Requirement,
He wants some privacy.
He wants a room like a cathedral.
He looks at Adam and there's war in his smile. ]
[ Spring has only just really arrived and already Henrietta is a sticky, blossoming thing. Adam can feel the relentless heat through the confines of his school uniform, the sun's desperate beating cooking him from inside out. He kneels in the middle of a long forgotten field, the ley line pulsing underneath his folded knees, one hand easing through the tall, bleached grass. It tickles at his palm like the kiss of a lover. Beside him are his tarot cards and a collection of strange looking stones. Behind him is Ronan.
Adam sneaks a glance at the other boy, momentarily distracted from his work. Sometimes he wonders if there is a place in Virginia where Ronan wouldn't just belong. The grass seems to part for his body, sprawled on his back as he is, backpack a pillow for his head and his eyes closed as though in sleep. He looks like a painting. He looks like a prince. Something comes loose in Adam's chest as he watches Ronan's fingers drum along to the tune from his earphones, something skitters inside of him as he drags his look higher, to the sleeves creased at his elbow, tattoo peeking from the folded edges.
Adam loves this boy.
That love sinks into the earth as he turns back to add the last of the stones to the pyramid, the line changing from a drip to a wave of energy. Adam unfolds himself but does not make to leave. Instead he makes his way to where Ronan is sprawled, knees spread in that boyish commanding way of his. He sinks between them and then crawls over his form, one hand moving to tug on his earphones so that Ronan opens his eyes. When he does, the gap between them is lessened, Adam's lips pressing to his in a soft kiss.
Hello you, his mouth seems to say, his tongue teasing him open, It's always you. ]
Adam sneaks a glance at the other boy, momentarily distracted from his work. Sometimes he wonders if there is a place in Virginia where Ronan wouldn't just belong. The grass seems to part for his body, sprawled on his back as he is, backpack a pillow for his head and his eyes closed as though in sleep. He looks like a painting. He looks like a prince. Something comes loose in Adam's chest as he watches Ronan's fingers drum along to the tune from his earphones, something skitters inside of him as he drags his look higher, to the sleeves creased at his elbow, tattoo peeking from the folded edges.
Adam loves this boy.
That love sinks into the earth as he turns back to add the last of the stones to the pyramid, the line changing from a drip to a wave of energy. Adam unfolds himself but does not make to leave. Instead he makes his way to where Ronan is sprawled, knees spread in that boyish commanding way of his. He sinks between them and then crawls over his form, one hand moving to tug on his earphones so that Ronan opens his eyes. When he does, the gap between them is lessened, Adam's lips pressing to his in a soft kiss.
Hello you, his mouth seems to say, his tongue teasing him open, It's always you. ]
[Adam hadn't really invited Ronan along so much as Ronan saw him leaving in his shitty car and got in the passenger's seat before he could be stopped, as if someone was going to stop him in the first place. If asked he would say he was helping restore the leyline. The truth was that in the heat and the sunshine, the first real break in the rain as winter died a gruesome death, and before all the bugs invaded made the prospect of lying in the grass and soaking it up undeniable. Ronan Lynch was lying there like a sleeping prince because he could, even as his boyfriend worked just a few feet away.
Besides, it wasn't as if Ronan could help. He didn't feel the leyline. Adam was the one who moved things; Ronan just reaped the benefits, in gifts and in magic afforded to him.
He feels Adam first, crawling over him, and he keeps his eyes closed as if he really can't feel the air around him move, the weight of Adam, the press of magic around them even when they're not in Cabeswater. He only opens his eyes a little when Adam tugs, and then they're kissing, and-
It doesn't matter how often they kiss. It doesn't matter where, or for how long. Every time they do it, every time that Adam kisses his mouth open and presses their mouths together, Ronan wakes up a little, as if he's always halfway dreaming. As if this isn't real. He kisses back. I love you.
He loves him.
He arches up just enough to follow that kiss, to open his mouth and let Adam have whatever he wants, the slide of his tongue gentle.]
You finished.
[There's that smile, that Lynch smile, not the one made for war, but the one made for love.]
Besides, it wasn't as if Ronan could help. He didn't feel the leyline. Adam was the one who moved things; Ronan just reaped the benefits, in gifts and in magic afforded to him.
He feels Adam first, crawling over him, and he keeps his eyes closed as if he really can't feel the air around him move, the weight of Adam, the press of magic around them even when they're not in Cabeswater. He only opens his eyes a little when Adam tugs, and then they're kissing, and-
It doesn't matter how often they kiss. It doesn't matter where, or for how long. Every time they do it, every time that Adam kisses his mouth open and presses their mouths together, Ronan wakes up a little, as if he's always halfway dreaming. As if this isn't real. He kisses back. I love you.
He loves him.
He arches up just enough to follow that kiss, to open his mouth and let Adam have whatever he wants, the slide of his tongue gentle.]
You finished.
[There's that smile, that Lynch smile, not the one made for war, but the one made for love.]
[After the fourth of July, after the disasters Kavinsky heaped on them, he didn't think that things would ever really settle down the way they should. He thought they would be scattered and unsure.
But he never thought Matthew wouldn't forgive him, and Matthew did, without question and without hesitation. For everything.
He drives Matthew out to the Barns at the end of summer. The Barns are a land of fireflies; they rise up from the grass and float, blinking in and out. When they were little they used to catch them in glass jars and keep them for a few pulsing glows, then let them go.
The fireflies are rising up just as they get there. Ronan made them stop, bought a bag of cheap burgers and a bag of fries, and milkshakes that are dripping sweat from the heat and ice cream from the overflowing tops. He parks the car at the top of a hill and tells Matthew he'll be right there, and after a minute, he is, sitting next to him.]
Do you want to live here again?
[It's no secret that Ronan does.]
But he never thought Matthew wouldn't forgive him, and Matthew did, without question and without hesitation. For everything.
He drives Matthew out to the Barns at the end of summer. The Barns are a land of fireflies; they rise up from the grass and float, blinking in and out. When they were little they used to catch them in glass jars and keep them for a few pulsing glows, then let them go.
The fireflies are rising up just as they get there. Ronan made them stop, bought a bag of cheap burgers and a bag of fries, and milkshakes that are dripping sweat from the heat and ice cream from the overflowing tops. He parks the car at the top of a hill and tells Matthew he'll be right there, and after a minute, he is, sitting next to him.]
Do you want to live here again?
[It's no secret that Ronan does.]
[He thought the summer would be longer.
A year ago he was dealing with the fallout from Kavinsky. A year ago they were trying to find Blue's mother. A year ago, they were a mess. Less than a year ago they all almost died. Less than a year ago Ronan kissed Adam and then, three months ago, suddenly, like a miracle, they were graduating and Adam was going to college and everything was perfect.
He thought that the summer would be longer. That the fireflies at the Barns would float ever higher, that the sun wouldn't set until forever had expired. He thought he would never have to think of a day without Adam's skin, tanning and darkening in the bright sunshine. He thought the summer would last forever, because didn't they deserve that?
But it didn't, and the summer was drawing closer, drawing closed. Ronan wasn't ready but he could tell, too, that Adam was. To leave.
To come back.
And he did leave; they fought and squabbled and made up and Adam promised, it was just two weeks before he would be back for a weekend, and they pressed their foreheads together and kissed and Ronan avoided his phone because that's who Ronan was.
And because Adam knew that, Adam sent letters. Coded letters. Beautiful letters. Short letters. Long ones.
Ronan is waiting at the edge of the long drive up to the Barns, on the day that Adam comes home (home, home, home), sitting on the fence. It's almost seven but the light is still the last vestige of summer. He could have gone to pick Adam up at the airport in DC, but he let Gansey do it so they could have a real conversation before Gansey left with Blue and Henry in a few days. He told Gansey to drop him off a quarter mile from the Barns driveway.
He wanted Adam to have the time to shed everything that wasn't home, ten minutes of walking before he saw Ronan.]
A year ago he was dealing with the fallout from Kavinsky. A year ago they were trying to find Blue's mother. A year ago, they were a mess. Less than a year ago they all almost died. Less than a year ago Ronan kissed Adam and then, three months ago, suddenly, like a miracle, they were graduating and Adam was going to college and everything was perfect.
He thought that the summer would be longer. That the fireflies at the Barns would float ever higher, that the sun wouldn't set until forever had expired. He thought he would never have to think of a day without Adam's skin, tanning and darkening in the bright sunshine. He thought the summer would last forever, because didn't they deserve that?
But it didn't, and the summer was drawing closer, drawing closed. Ronan wasn't ready but he could tell, too, that Adam was. To leave.
To come back.
And he did leave; they fought and squabbled and made up and Adam promised, it was just two weeks before he would be back for a weekend, and they pressed their foreheads together and kissed and Ronan avoided his phone because that's who Ronan was.
And because Adam knew that, Adam sent letters. Coded letters. Beautiful letters. Short letters. Long ones.
Ronan is waiting at the edge of the long drive up to the Barns, on the day that Adam comes home (home, home, home), sitting on the fence. It's almost seven but the light is still the last vestige of summer. He could have gone to pick Adam up at the airport in DC, but he let Gansey do it so they could have a real conversation before Gansey left with Blue and Henry in a few days. He told Gansey to drop him off a quarter mile from the Barns driveway.
He wanted Adam to have the time to shed everything that wasn't home, ten minutes of walking before he saw Ronan.]
[The weather is nice enough for an outdoor event; a party with the hazy fall coolness but none of the disappointing fall chill. There's a surprising amount of food for a college party, out in a distant park away from the bustle of campus, but even more alcohol, and Ronan is watching Adam get pleasantly tipsy as he nurses his own beer, leagues away from drunk.
This is the college life that Adam deserves. One that has just enough in the way of fun to balance all the disaster and stress of an Ivy League education.
Ronan sits at the edge of the party, looking like a thug. He's scared a few people but he also showed a couple of girls pictures of Opal, who photographs unbearably well, and pictures of the cow and of Felix Parrish the cat, and some of the guys from Adam's LGBT group even approached Ronan with an eye to make friends. Maybe friends were not made but certainly they could see what Parrish saw in him.
He manages, though, to catch Adam just as Adam is weaving back, beer in hand. One of Adam's friends is whispering something to Adam, something about how do you deal with those eyes, sweet god-]
Hey, Parrish.
[There's a smile on the corner of Ronan's lips.]
This is the college life that Adam deserves. One that has just enough in the way of fun to balance all the disaster and stress of an Ivy League education.
Ronan sits at the edge of the party, looking like a thug. He's scared a few people but he also showed a couple of girls pictures of Opal, who photographs unbearably well, and pictures of the cow and of Felix Parrish the cat, and some of the guys from Adam's LGBT group even approached Ronan with an eye to make friends. Maybe friends were not made but certainly they could see what Parrish saw in him.
He manages, though, to catch Adam just as Adam is weaving back, beer in hand. One of Adam's friends is whispering something to Adam, something about how do you deal with those eyes, sweet god-]
Hey, Parrish.
[There's a smile on the corner of Ronan's lips.]
[ Exhaustion has crept it's way into the Barns.
Instinctively he knows the source of it, because he can see Ronan's slumped shoulders in the kitchen as he joins him after his shift, the other boy bowed over the paper strewn counter. He can sense it in Opal's sluggish chewing of her soup spoon, her food cooled and untouched. The whole house feels tired and for a moment Adam just stands in the doorway, his heart pulsing with worry. This is why he keeps detouring to the Barns on his way home, because it's been only a handful of days since Ronan lost Aurora, since he almost lost Matthew and Gansey, and Adam can't stop thinking that he has to be there, just in case. He doesn't want Ronan to be doing this alone.
He stays still for barely a minute, but then he's moving, scooping the little girl into his arms and gently taking the metal from her mouth, lifting both it and her bowl to take to the sink. Instinctively she curls around him, her hoofed feet kicking at the arms of his coveralls and her face pressing into his neck. Adam moves carefully so as not to jostle her, makes his way to Ronan where he lifts a hand and runs it over his shaved head. ]
Hey.
[ It's soft, careful. ] It's late. You should leave that 'til mornin'.
[Ronan has tried not be a total mess.
In one way he's relieved, happy. Gansey is alive. Adam is here with him. Opal is-
Opal.
But his mom is dead. He has to tell his brothers and he did that today, and now he's tired, and every time he tries to sleep he sees the demon. They didn't see it, the others. They didn't see it but he did, he saw it inside of his head and inside of his body, trying to uncreate, trying to destroy him.
He saw it and sometimes when he closes his eyes he gets scared, but he can't say that to Opal, because she's small and she loves him and she's sure he'll protect her.
So he stands over the sink and stares at the dishes.]
What?
[He seems muddled. Confused.]
In one way he's relieved, happy. Gansey is alive. Adam is here with him. Opal is-
Opal.
But his mom is dead. He has to tell his brothers and he did that today, and now he's tired, and every time he tries to sleep he sees the demon. They didn't see it, the others. They didn't see it but he did, he saw it inside of his head and inside of his body, trying to uncreate, trying to destroy him.
He saw it and sometimes when he closes his eyes he gets scared, but he can't say that to Opal, because she's small and she loves him and she's sure he'll protect her.
So he stands over the sink and stares at the dishes.]
What?
[He seems muddled. Confused.]
[ Ronan isn't expecting him.
It's been over a month since he last saw the Barns and Adam hadn't even been sure he'd make it home now. It had only been through working himself half sick that he'd finished all of his papers early enough to get the last flight out to West Virginia. Then he'd spent half his time waiting frantically texting Declan, who agreed to swoop in and steal Opal for the night - claiming she and Matthew had wanted to see a fair - and calling Maura, who picked him up and drove him to Singer's Falls.
It feels like a miracle. He can't even really believe the oldest Lynch agreed to help him out, especially considering what they'd clearly do with their alone time.
But it had worked out, and Adam is letting himself in quietly. The only light is coming from the bedroom and he makes his way there. The door is open and he can see Ronan sprawled over his bed, electronic music coming softly from the stereo, some farming magazine open over his stomach. His eyes are closed but he doesn't look asleep. Adam lets his hungry gaze wander over his boyfriend for a long, eager moment before he steps in and lets his bag hit the floor heavily, announcing himself. ]
Hey babe.
[ He lets out a breath, grinning when Ronan's head shoots up. ] Missed me?
It's been over a month since he last saw the Barns and Adam hadn't even been sure he'd make it home now. It had only been through working himself half sick that he'd finished all of his papers early enough to get the last flight out to West Virginia. Then he'd spent half his time waiting frantically texting Declan, who agreed to swoop in and steal Opal for the night - claiming she and Matthew had wanted to see a fair - and calling Maura, who picked him up and drove him to Singer's Falls.
It feels like a miracle. He can't even really believe the oldest Lynch agreed to help him out, especially considering what they'd clearly do with their alone time.
But it had worked out, and Adam is letting himself in quietly. The only light is coming from the bedroom and he makes his way there. The door is open and he can see Ronan sprawled over his bed, electronic music coming softly from the stereo, some farming magazine open over his stomach. His eyes are closed but he doesn't look asleep. Adam lets his hungry gaze wander over his boyfriend for a long, eager moment before he steps in and lets his bag hit the floor heavily, announcing himself. ]
Hey babe.
[ He lets out a breath, grinning when Ronan's head shoots up. ] Missed me?
[It's been no great secret that both Opal and Ronan had been in terrible moods for the past two weeks. Adam was supposed to come out then, but had to cancel, and while it was understood that it wasn't because he was abandoning them, the feeling was the same.
But Declan had showed up and Ronan didn't even think it was anything but what he claimed it to be - you both need a night off - and he had quieted down, relaxed-
-he snaps his head up when he hears Adam, and his heart skips a beat. Shit. He didn't expect him. He didn't think he was just going to show up like this.
He gets up and kisses Adam in reply, hungry and greedy and desperate.]
What the fuck do you think, asshole?
But Declan had showed up and Ronan didn't even think it was anything but what he claimed it to be - you both need a night off - and he had quieted down, relaxed-
-he snaps his head up when he hears Adam, and his heart skips a beat. Shit. He didn't expect him. He didn't think he was just going to show up like this.
He gets up and kisses Adam in reply, hungry and greedy and desperate.]
What the fuck do you think, asshole?
[Saturday mornings are quiet things.
On Sundays it's busy, with frantic energy and Ronan getting Opal into her dress and boots and him into a suit for church. Sundays mean Declan and Matthew and lunches, and Adam staying behind to do reading on the weekends he's home. Sundays mean everyone is too busy to breathe.
But Saturdays are different. When Adam isn't home, Saturdays are when Opal goes out by herself and lets Ronan sleep, or when they cuddle in the bed and Ronan hisses like he's mad when he loves it.
But this is a Saturday when Adam is home.
Those are different.
Opal sleeps in, comforted by Adam's presence a room away. Ronan sleeps well. Adam wakes up early and grabs a textbook and starts reading, and Ronan wakes slow, and watches him read for a while before he even admits he's awake. They're naked. The light is quiet and still and sparkling.]
I'll still love you when your brain is too big to fit through the door.
[So charming.
But he says it.
I'll still love you.
The only other time he's said words like that - I love you - Adam had been drunk. Unable to reciprocate.]
On Sundays it's busy, with frantic energy and Ronan getting Opal into her dress and boots and him into a suit for church. Sundays mean Declan and Matthew and lunches, and Adam staying behind to do reading on the weekends he's home. Sundays mean everyone is too busy to breathe.
But Saturdays are different. When Adam isn't home, Saturdays are when Opal goes out by herself and lets Ronan sleep, or when they cuddle in the bed and Ronan hisses like he's mad when he loves it.
But this is a Saturday when Adam is home.
Those are different.
Opal sleeps in, comforted by Adam's presence a room away. Ronan sleeps well. Adam wakes up early and grabs a textbook and starts reading, and Ronan wakes slow, and watches him read for a while before he even admits he's awake. They're naked. The light is quiet and still and sparkling.]
I'll still love you when your brain is too big to fit through the door.
[So charming.
But he says it.
I'll still love you.
The only other time he's said words like that - I love you - Adam had been drunk. Unable to reciprocate.]
[ He's been graduated for about a month.
Ronan's been antsy for half of that.
Adam knows why, though. Because when they pressed that piece of paper in his hands, when the Dean shook his hand and Adam stumbled blindly from the stage to Ronan and Opal's waiting arms, a whole post-college future spread out of him, Adam had said he was tired. And Ronan, being Ronan, had said fucking relax then. He'd given himself a month. Four long, blissful weeks of just hanging out at the Barns, helping Ronan do the daily chores, learning how to care for the precious miles of home he lived in. A month and then he had to start using what he made of himself. He can tell what Ronan thinks. That Adam's going to get a fancy job in some city, that he's going to take off the minute his prospects are better. Adam knows what he thinks and he doesn't dissuade him from it. They'd have to talk about it, and neither of them are very good at that.
Except one day he slips out in the morning, when Ronan's feeding cows or Opal or both. He slips out and he's gone for hours - that's not new, sometimes he has places to be. When he comes back he's tired, but pleased looking, wearing the suit Gansey got him as a present ( 'I have a college graduate now, I'm so proud' ) and he slips up behind Ronan, wraps one arm around his waist. He smells like the shower gel they share, a tiny bit like fancy cologne, like trees. He hums a little, pressing his nose to the back of Ronan's neck as he places a card into Ronan's fingers. His lips move over a notch in his spine then pause, as the other boy reads it.
It's got Adam's name on it. He'd felt a thrill when first saw it, embossed on fancy black card like that. But that's not what's important. It's not the solicitor part, nor the company name, not the telephone number or email address, it's not any of that. What's important is the last line. Henrietta, West Virginia. His lips leave Ronan's skin, chin hooking over his shoulder and he waits. ]
Ronan's been antsy for half of that.
Adam knows why, though. Because when they pressed that piece of paper in his hands, when the Dean shook his hand and Adam stumbled blindly from the stage to Ronan and Opal's waiting arms, a whole post-college future spread out of him, Adam had said he was tired. And Ronan, being Ronan, had said fucking relax then. He'd given himself a month. Four long, blissful weeks of just hanging out at the Barns, helping Ronan do the daily chores, learning how to care for the precious miles of home he lived in. A month and then he had to start using what he made of himself. He can tell what Ronan thinks. That Adam's going to get a fancy job in some city, that he's going to take off the minute his prospects are better. Adam knows what he thinks and he doesn't dissuade him from it. They'd have to talk about it, and neither of them are very good at that.
Except one day he slips out in the morning, when Ronan's feeding cows or Opal or both. He slips out and he's gone for hours - that's not new, sometimes he has places to be. When he comes back he's tired, but pleased looking, wearing the suit Gansey got him as a present ( 'I have a college graduate now, I'm so proud' ) and he slips up behind Ronan, wraps one arm around his waist. He smells like the shower gel they share, a tiny bit like fancy cologne, like trees. He hums a little, pressing his nose to the back of Ronan's neck as he places a card into Ronan's fingers. His lips move over a notch in his spine then pause, as the other boy reads it.
It's got Adam's name on it. He'd felt a thrill when first saw it, embossed on fancy black card like that. But that's not what's important. It's not the solicitor part, nor the company name, not the telephone number or email address, it's not any of that. What's important is the last line. Henrietta, West Virginia. His lips leave Ronan's skin, chin hooking over his shoulder and he waits. ]
[He's been so happy to have Adam back that it almost feels like a trick. It feels like Adam couldn't actually possibly be back, that really he's just holding on for a minute and he'll be gone again soon. It's felt like a game. After waiting for four years for Adam to finish, this, this is just-
-so Ronan has been antsy for that, and for another reason, one he's kept really well banked, one that no one else knows about except for Chainsaw. So when Adam hands Ronan his card, smelling like Adam and like Ronan and like the weird, mossy shower gel that they use, Ronan feels his tension yield to more subtle pleasures.
Ronan reads it and looks back.]
This is-
[He turns all the way so they're looking at each other. Two dumb boys. Two grown men.]
Is this for me, or is it for you?
-so Ronan has been antsy for that, and for another reason, one he's kept really well banked, one that no one else knows about except for Chainsaw. So when Adam hands Ronan his card, smelling like Adam and like Ronan and like the weird, mossy shower gel that they use, Ronan feels his tension yield to more subtle pleasures.
Ronan reads it and looks back.]
This is-
[He turns all the way so they're looking at each other. Two dumb boys. Two grown men.]
Is this for me, or is it for you?
[The day that Ronan wakes the sleeping animals is right after he fights with Adam about St. Agnes, which isn't a fight about St. Agnes as much as it's a fight about how Ronan has dropped out of school.
He's half asleep when the solution comes and maybe that's why it comes - because these dreams exist in a half world too. They sleep and dream and wake and there is no logic in that strange twilight. Ronan puts on a sweater that once belonged to Niall and calls Opal, who gallops into the thick grass, and he wakes a cow first.
Opal is laughing and reeling, high on magic. The cat is next. It takes too much out of him, though, so when Adam arrives after school and projects and homework, right when it's getting dusky and the wind is turning colder, Ronan is asleep again, this time in a field, leaning on a calf that isn't moving, but is blinking and mooing softly for a mother that Ronan hasn't woken yet.]
He's half asleep when the solution comes and maybe that's why it comes - because these dreams exist in a half world too. They sleep and dream and wake and there is no logic in that strange twilight. Ronan puts on a sweater that once belonged to Niall and calls Opal, who gallops into the thick grass, and he wakes a cow first.
Opal is laughing and reeling, high on magic. The cat is next. It takes too much out of him, though, so when Adam arrives after school and projects and homework, right when it's getting dusky and the wind is turning colder, Ronan is asleep again, this time in a field, leaning on a calf that isn't moving, but is blinking and mooing softly for a mother that Ronan hasn't woken yet.]
[Sometimes Ronan comes to church to see God, and sometimes he comes to church to see Adam, and sometimes the line between those two things blur.
Right now is one of those moments. It's been a month, they've barely had any time together, and Ronan's spent so much of it dealing with the ghost of the demon that he can feel rattling in his head. And to a degree, God has helped. And to another, so has Adam.
Adam settles next to Ronan in the pew, and Ronan stares up at the crucifix, and then turns his head slightly to look at Adam. He smells like work and sweat and boy and he smells like something Ronan would eat and eat and never get enough of. He doesn't stand. He just turns, and looks at him. There's a tug of want in his gut. He wants Adam Parrish. He wants his mouth on Adam's dick and his knees on the cement under him, he wants Adam's fingers inside of him.
But all of that, it's a little embarrassing, because it's so keen, the want, because Ronan can feel it in his scalp and his toes both. He moves his head a bit, and kisses Adam on the mouth, open, desperate.]
Right now is one of those moments. It's been a month, they've barely had any time together, and Ronan's spent so much of it dealing with the ghost of the demon that he can feel rattling in his head. And to a degree, God has helped. And to another, so has Adam.
Adam settles next to Ronan in the pew, and Ronan stares up at the crucifix, and then turns his head slightly to look at Adam. He smells like work and sweat and boy and he smells like something Ronan would eat and eat and never get enough of. He doesn't stand. He just turns, and looks at him. There's a tug of want in his gut. He wants Adam Parrish. He wants his mouth on Adam's dick and his knees on the cement under him, he wants Adam's fingers inside of him.
But all of that, it's a little embarrassing, because it's so keen, the want, because Ronan can feel it in his scalp and his toes both. He moves his head a bit, and kisses Adam on the mouth, open, desperate.]
[ It's dark out when Adam finally steps into the bedroom he shares with Ronan. Of course, being dark out is a moot point in winter. It doesn't necessarily explain the time, just the season. He thinks it's late either way, if the exhaustion of having spent the day in a whirlwind of doing is anything to go by. First there had been farm work, a morning breathing fog into the cold but still sweating through his clothing. Then there had been tasks that took him into town, cards that Opal had wanted to send to the ladies at the church that Adam had needed to deliver ( and check for insects both dead and alive inside the envelopes before then ), packages to pick up, things to organise. He'd spent an uneasy half an hour wondering if he should drive further out, to the dust and the dirt and the snow that could never look white, deliver his own guiltily hidden card and get it over with. He hadn't done that though, shamefully it still rests, unaddressed, at the bottom of his messenger bag, the money he could pull together like an ever judging presence. He wonders if he'll take it back to New Haven with him. He wonders if he's changed too much. But the wondering hadn't stopped him. He'd gone to Fox Way, because even though he wasn't a Magician anymore, he was still something and if he can't wish his own mother a merry christmas then he can at least think of Persephone underneath haphazardly hung fairy lights.
So it's dark, and it's late, but Ronan is still up and Adam feels a thump of relief in his chest when he sees him, propped up against the headboard. There's paperwork spread across his knees and it shows how far the other boy has come that he treats all of this so seriously, so respectfully. There's another pang but he ignores it, instead crossing to the foot of the bed and toeing off his sneakers. Quietly, Adam changes. He doesn't say anything, and neither does Ronan, even as he strips down and pulls on the soft, strangely fleecy pajamas that somehow magically turned up in his drawer in the dresser and could not fit no other person in the house. Once done, he pulls something out of his bag and climbs up to rest beside Ronan, shoulders touching. He glances over at the paperwork for a moment, just to check that it isn't anything that shouldn't be interrupted. ]
I have something for you.
[ Not like the present wrapped under the tree, not that, though Adam is nervous about them too. He'd felt so wrongfooted, placing the two little parcels together. He'd had to use normal packing paper, his only festive addition the strip of shiny green ribbon wrapped around the pair of them. This is different, though it's still a bundle hastily tied, though this time by a fraying shoelace to keep the collection of letters together. He rests them in his lap, looks over at Ronan. ]
So it's dark, and it's late, but Ronan is still up and Adam feels a thump of relief in his chest when he sees him, propped up against the headboard. There's paperwork spread across his knees and it shows how far the other boy has come that he treats all of this so seriously, so respectfully. There's another pang but he ignores it, instead crossing to the foot of the bed and toeing off his sneakers. Quietly, Adam changes. He doesn't say anything, and neither does Ronan, even as he strips down and pulls on the soft, strangely fleecy pajamas that somehow magically turned up in his drawer in the dresser and could not fit no other person in the house. Once done, he pulls something out of his bag and climbs up to rest beside Ronan, shoulders touching. He glances over at the paperwork for a moment, just to check that it isn't anything that shouldn't be interrupted. ]
I have something for you.
[ Not like the present wrapped under the tree, not that, though Adam is nervous about them too. He'd felt so wrongfooted, placing the two little parcels together. He'd had to use normal packing paper, his only festive addition the strip of shiny green ribbon wrapped around the pair of them. This is different, though it's still a bundle hastily tied, though this time by a fraying shoelace to keep the collection of letters together. He rests them in his lap, looks over at Ronan. ]
[Ronan had, the whole time that Adam was away, felt his absence. It was never anything obvious, it was never anything overly painful. It was just there. When he turned at night and there wasn't another body, or when he looked over in the morning and something was missing. He lived eighteen years of his life without Adam, but the one year with him made him unable to contemplate Adam not being there.
He's attuned, then, when Adam comes in. He looks up, looks over, for a minute, waits while Adam dresses (watches while he undresses) and touches shoulders with him.
He looks over.]
What.
[He says it with a harsh stop, but it's not a harsh thing. He puts his own papers aside, and he thinks this is strange but not uncharacteristic.]
Show me.
He's attuned, then, when Adam comes in. He looks up, looks over, for a minute, waits while Adam dresses (watches while he undresses) and touches shoulders with him.
He looks over.]
What.
[He says it with a harsh stop, but it's not a harsh thing. He puts his own papers aside, and he thinks this is strange but not uncharacteristic.]
Show me.
[ How he got roped into helping Ronan at the county fair is anyone's guess.
Usually Adam avoids these seemingly saccharine country events like the plague, as if the smell of sawdust and dried earth will make him regress a decade, take away all that he's learnt and become. He doesn't even really know what it is, that feeling, because it doesn't make sense when his backwater was dirt and tin instead of hay and horses. But he still does his best to be out of it, letting Ronan do the travelling to sell strange jams or make deals for sheep.
So it's surprising that he's here today. More surprising is that he isn't sitting in the BMW with a book on his lap and the A.C. blaring. Instead he's hot and sticky, but smiling sweet at any old lady who meanders their way to the booth his boyfriend often mans. Maybe it had been the way the Spring day dawned crisp and clear, the house quiet because Opal had gone to stay with Declan and Matthew for a few days. Maybe it was the way Ronan had talked about his produce in an off-hand way, like he shouldn't be proud of it, when Adam had wanted that for him. Maybe, just maybe, it was because Adam couldn't be bothered to get his panties in a bunch about broad accents. He'd certainly not been hiding his own, quietly accepting cash in exchange for cheese and milk and fruits that never seem to rot, doling out change and pleasantries while Ronan's somewhere, doing something for the farm.
Adam's good at this though, he knows when to apply pressure and when to not, and the day seems to pass by in a blur. When Ronan appears, black leather against a darkening evening, he's handing over the last jar with a nod and a thank you, ma'am, folding bills into a tin container they can lock up. ] You took your time.
[ He looks up, a new batch of freckles already dusting his nose and cheeks. He'll be tanned by the end of the week, if the weather holds up. He probably needs to go to the store and get Ronan sunscreen, but for now the sun's been a gentle kind of thing that doesn't burn. He can hear music somewhere, the kind of tinny sound that comes from fairground rides, as if the whole place has sensed the business is done and it's time to relax. Adam wonders if Ronan ever stays for very long after. It's hard to imagine him trying to snag plastic ducks with a tiny rod. ]
Go well?
[He got roped into it like this: Ronan pulled the cutest fucking lamb he currently has along with him and made a face about how Matthew had midterms, as if Matthew ever had a decent grade in his whole life, and how now Ronan has no one to watch the sheep and he'd have to leave the sheep behind, and there was some creative swearing, and some fucking Gansey would come along which, yes, he would, but he would be insufferable the entire goddamned time, and so Adam probably said he'd go to make Ronan shut up.
And despite the fact that Ronan does not need the money, at all, he makes bank when Adam is there, because Adam has that sweet Henrietta drawl that makes the local farmers trust him and the local farmers wives think he must be a good Christian boy. Whereas, Ronan, the actual good Christian boy, always looks furious and taciturn.
So basically: Adam does him good at these events.
Ronan just finished putting the sheep in and changing from his disgusting clothes, covered in sheep and god knows what else, into something infinitely more Ronanesque.]
Judging's tomorrow. Declan called. Says Opal's pissed as fuck she's not here.
[Whatever.]
And despite the fact that Ronan does not need the money, at all, he makes bank when Adam is there, because Adam has that sweet Henrietta drawl that makes the local farmers trust him and the local farmers wives think he must be a good Christian boy. Whereas, Ronan, the actual good Christian boy, always looks furious and taciturn.
So basically: Adam does him good at these events.
Ronan just finished putting the sheep in and changing from his disgusting clothes, covered in sheep and god knows what else, into something infinitely more Ronanesque.]
Judging's tomorrow. Declan called. Says Opal's pissed as fuck she's not here.
[Whatever.]
[Between New Haven and Henrietta is eight solid hours of driving; six if you drive like Ronan Lynch, and miles and miles of rural nothing. It expands into the unknown, it winds up and down the mountains of western Pennsylvania and the strange places where Adam's accent is noted as familiar but not local and they get better service from gruff diner owners and waitresses who clearly want to see these two handsome boys smile.
It's in the land, the parts of the country that Ronan inherently understands, that on the day he picks Adam up from school for their first summer (the end of freshman year like a triumphant end to a battle), he stops. There's a diner that Ronan likes and Ronan Lynch is a creature of habit, unsure and uncertain in new places like a wild animal. This particular stop doesn't ask him shit like what's up with the bird and can your bird go outside so he likes it, and the owner just serves him coffee and eggs without complaint.]
Parrish, wake up. Breakfast.
[They left almost at dawn, so it's nine in the morning now, and it's about time to get some food before the real brunt of the drive begins. Adam fell asleep in the BMW almost immediately after they left Connecticut, and Ronan let him, because his features were harried and harassed before they left and in sleep they eased into something smoother and softer.]
It's in the land, the parts of the country that Ronan inherently understands, that on the day he picks Adam up from school for their first summer (the end of freshman year like a triumphant end to a battle), he stops. There's a diner that Ronan likes and Ronan Lynch is a creature of habit, unsure and uncertain in new places like a wild animal. This particular stop doesn't ask him shit like what's up with the bird and can your bird go outside so he likes it, and the owner just serves him coffee and eggs without complaint.]
Parrish, wake up. Breakfast.
[They left almost at dawn, so it's nine in the morning now, and it's about time to get some food before the real brunt of the drive begins. Adam fell asleep in the BMW almost immediately after they left Connecticut, and Ronan let him, because his features were harried and harassed before they left and in sleep they eased into something smoother and softer.]
( Adam Parrish has had a very, very shitty day.
Firstly, it's fucking cold, the night dark and wet around him as he trudges through the streets of Henrietta, tattered ends of his jeans soaking up rainwater with every step. Secondly, his shift at the factory had run over far longer than he'd like. Thirdly, he has three essays to write before he can even curl up under his thin sheets in his frosty trailer. The semester has only just started and already he is wrung out. Add that to the general clusterfuck of his life - his family, no friends, that desperate, dangerous need to do better - it's a wonder he hasn't imploded.
Which is why, when he turns the corner and spots the two boys brawling, he's tempted to just turn around. But he hasn't the time, nor the inclination. Adam's bike is chained up to the railing behind the parking lot, and to get to it he has to go to them.
As Adam gets closer he recognises one of them - Kavinsky's minion, he thinks - but the other is a stranger. Lamplight seems to glint off the sharp bones in his face, full mouth pulled back in a sneer. His curly hair is half matted by sweat across his forehead. Savage springs to mind, and Adam feels white hot shame at the word that follows.
He's also extremely fucking difficult to understand. Whoever the boy is, he has an accent thick enough to rival Adam's own, the kind of thick words that completely smother anything else in the area. )
I don't think hitting him is going to make him understand you better.
( He's called out before he realises it. He doesn't want them to turn on him, but he can't take them back. It means the other boy, the one with the celtic twang has looked over, and Adam feels strange and daring and possibly delirious. ) More than two syllables and he's lost. And you've got that whole - ( Waving his hand. ) Accent.
Firstly, it's fucking cold, the night dark and wet around him as he trudges through the streets of Henrietta, tattered ends of his jeans soaking up rainwater with every step. Secondly, his shift at the factory had run over far longer than he'd like. Thirdly, he has three essays to write before he can even curl up under his thin sheets in his frosty trailer. The semester has only just started and already he is wrung out. Add that to the general clusterfuck of his life - his family, no friends, that desperate, dangerous need to do better - it's a wonder he hasn't imploded.
Which is why, when he turns the corner and spots the two boys brawling, he's tempted to just turn around. But he hasn't the time, nor the inclination. Adam's bike is chained up to the railing behind the parking lot, and to get to it he has to go to them.
As Adam gets closer he recognises one of them - Kavinsky's minion, he thinks - but the other is a stranger. Lamplight seems to glint off the sharp bones in his face, full mouth pulled back in a sneer. His curly hair is half matted by sweat across his forehead. Savage springs to mind, and Adam feels white hot shame at the word that follows.
He's also extremely fucking difficult to understand. Whoever the boy is, he has an accent thick enough to rival Adam's own, the kind of thick words that completely smother anything else in the area. )
I don't think hitting him is going to make him understand you better.
( He's called out before he realises it. He doesn't want them to turn on him, but he can't take them back. It means the other boy, the one with the celtic twang has looked over, and Adam feels strange and daring and possibly delirious. ) More than two syllables and he's lost. And you've got that whole - ( Waving his hand. ) Accent.
[Henri-fucking-etta.
Ronan, for the record, hates it here. He didn't want to come; he argued and bitched and complained until even Niall's favorite son got a smack to the back of the head and a shut up, boy, like he's some kid that his father picked up off the street. There's no fucking winning when you're dragged from your home and pulled out of your school and taken across the bloody fucking ocean to this middle of nowhere nothing (as if County Armagh wasn't comprised of mostly middle of nowhere nothing) because, what - some Protestant asshole got it in their head that Niall Lynch needed a slap to the face, or something.
Since when did the Lynches run from their fights?
Ronan thinks that now, as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth, and swears a blue streak at this boy who he's currently in the process of giving a new face to. He doesn't know his name, all he knows is that there's a sweet fucking mercy in bruising his knuckles up.
And then the other boy is talking and Ronan's head comes right up. He stares, and wipes his face again, and the other punk runs because of course he fucking does.]
You're one to talk.
[Oh, it's not quite Belfast in his vowels, but it's nice and thick alright.]
Ronan, for the record, hates it here. He didn't want to come; he argued and bitched and complained until even Niall's favorite son got a smack to the back of the head and a shut up, boy, like he's some kid that his father picked up off the street. There's no fucking winning when you're dragged from your home and pulled out of your school and taken across the bloody fucking ocean to this middle of nowhere nothing (as if County Armagh wasn't comprised of mostly middle of nowhere nothing) because, what - some Protestant asshole got it in their head that Niall Lynch needed a slap to the face, or something.
Since when did the Lynches run from their fights?
Ronan thinks that now, as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth, and swears a blue streak at this boy who he's currently in the process of giving a new face to. He doesn't know his name, all he knows is that there's a sweet fucking mercy in bruising his knuckles up.
And then the other boy is talking and Ronan's head comes right up. He stares, and wipes his face again, and the other punk runs because of course he fucking does.]
You're one to talk.
[Oh, it's not quite Belfast in his vowels, but it's nice and thick alright.]
you know you can just say 'hey lynch put your hand down your pants i'm coming in' and i would you don't need to resort to this bullshit
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