cribellate | Declan Lynch | The Raven Cycle

[ Matthew hasn't outgrown the closeness, and maybe he never will. Ronan dreamed him to be affectionate, unchanging, and that's what he is.

He settles in and listens quietly, picturing the characters in his mind as Declan tells him about them. Aurora is the queen, of course. The man with the secret magic is Niall--though Ronan is easier for Matthew to remember, so maybe he's actually Ronan. Matthew's imagination being a rather limited thing, the giant in his mind looks like no one, unworthy of note except for the white, tinted sunglasses. ]

In a dream, [ he echoes when the story comes to that part, opening his eyes again. He holds Declan just a bit more tightly. ]

What happened next?

He caught her, and snatched her up out of his dream and into the world, and she married him because he was so charming and so handsome, and he gave her three sons.

[He presses his face into Matthew's hair.]

But the giant followed them. And he told the oldest son, you have to protect them, and so he did.

And they moved to D.C. because it would be safer, [ Matthew improvises, a childlike interruption, his tone of voice betraying the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. He does particularly like stories about three brothers. And, unlike Declan perhaps, Matthew has no concerns about the oldest son's ability to do the job.

He doesn't think about the unfairness of it. Just about his brothers, who are always looking out for him. Always keeping him safe, being there--even tonight. Matthew doesn't know what it is to be alone, and that's because of Ronan, because of Declan. ]

Hey--

[ He shifts slightly, though his face remains hidden against his brother's shoulder. It takes him a moment to get his words in order. ]

Declan... Do you think it'd matter if one of the brothers had come from somewhere else?

[There's quiet. It's a long, measured quiet, and Declan pulls Matthew up, like they're still small, like sitting on Declan's lap isn't strange at all.]

One day, the oldest two brothers fought. This wasn't unusual, because the oldest brother didn't want to play, and the younger did. So the younger went to the land of the Queen and used the same magic to net a littler brother. One made of light, the queen's first and last son.

And he came back with him, but everyone loved him, and no one thought it was strange that he was still their father's son and their mother's son, even though he wasn't born just like the rest of them.

[Declan goes quiet. So quiet.]

Matthew, please don't be angry.

[ Matthew curls against him and listens to the rest of the story, which of course isn't a story at all anymore. At one point, at the exact moment when understanding drapes itself over him, he gives a shuddering sigh. It's true, then, it's true and his brother already knew about him.

He lifts his head, finally, meeting Declan's eyes again. ]

I'm not angry.

[ He's utterly sincere, reaching up to touch Declan's hair in the same way that Declan has often done for him in the past, to reassure Matthew. ]

You mean it-- That nobody thought it was strange? Mom-- And you?

God-

Dad was so happy. He was so proud.

[He remembers that. He was four, and he realized he would never be that. He would never be able to pull anything out of dreams. Ronan used to wake up with the most beautiful toys, cars that made noise and stuffed bears that walked and roared, and airplanes that flew on their own, but Matthew was the first person, Matthew was proof.

Declan realized how completely and totally normal he was.]

And mom loved you so much. No one ever thought you were strange, no one ever thought that about you.

[Declan is such a good liar, because while all of that is true, he manages to excise the bitterness that he was no one's favorite. That he was not fanciful or wondrous enough for their family. Not a dreamer or a dream. Just Declan. The conflict of being unmoored and unhomed at age 4 doesn't inch into his voice.

This is about Matthew.]

We loved you. All right? Always.

[ Matthew relaxes, utterly and completely. Declan's words unwind every concern that had wanted to knot inside him, smooth away every little niggling doubt. ]

Then I don't really care about it, [ he announces contentedly, unafraid of what he is, at ease with his own origin as simply as that. ]

I thought-- If you didn't know, I mean, I thought maybe-- it'd be weird. I don't know.

[ He shakes his head, and smiles at Declan like he realizes now it was foolish to be worried. To even consider that after everything, Declan might reject him because Matthew had come from one of Ronan's dreams.

It seems stupid now.

Declan may have been unmoored and unhomed, but because of him, Matthew never has been, even at the worst times. Declan has been his home, is his home now. ]

I love you, too.

It's not weird.

You're not weird.

[He smooths his hair down, nudges him up.]

I'm going to try and call Ronan again. You're all right? You feel fine?

[ Matthew obediently climbs out of Declan's lap and gets to his feet, much more steady on them than he was before his shower. He's all back together again, himself in every way and maybe a little more, now that he knows what that is. ]

Yeah, I'm fine. I promise.

[ And, just in case Declan is still worrying-- ]

I don't think anything else is going to happen.

Okay-

[He reaches for his phone, dials. Ronan doesn't pick up. He sighs and tosses it.]

If he calls you, let me know.

[And a pause.]

Do you want to go out? Let's go out.

I'll get my phone, [ Matthew offers, in simultaneous response to both the instruction and the question. Before he does that, he reaches up to touch his own hair, to see if it's dry enough to go out. Close enough. ]

Where do you want to go?

Somewhere stupid.

Somewhere you'll like.

[If Matthew's happy, Declan will be fine.]

A movie? Something. Food. I don't know.

[ Matthew does not need to think about this for very long at all. ]

Maybe both? We haven't tried the all-day breakfast place yet. And that movie's playing now--the one with the dog.

[ It's a dog movie, which almost guarantees a sad ending that Matthew won't like, but it also won't matter because he'll be full of waffles and half-dozing on Declan's shoulder well before the end, and then later Ronan will finally call, and the world will shatter again because the queen in her glen is lost forever.

But the world has shattered before and all three brothers--the dream, the dreamer, and the one who protects them both--are all still fighters in their own ways, and none of them are done with the world just yet. ]

Declan Lynch | The Raven Cycle

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